The Kalamazoo Mall
by Martha Webster

With a hearty -- ho, ho, ho! -- and a -- Merry Christmas to you! --
that jolly ol’ soul dressed all in red and looking like you know who,
waved to that next kid in line and said, “come on up here, and I’ll see what I can do! I‘ve always wanted to meet the infamous Jimmy Joe John Jacob Jackson Boo! And don’t ask me how I knew,” said that man dressed all in red and looking like you know who. “It‘s just one of the many things -- ho, ho, ho! -- jolly ol’ Saint Nick’s paid to do. And bring that list with ya, Jimmy Joe,” he said, cuz my job you know -- ho, ho, ho! -- is making the hopes and wishes of little boys come true.”

So, the kid they called Jimmy Joe John Jacob Jackson Boo
did exactly as he was told by that man dressed all in red
and looking like you know who. But before he could tell him
that it just wasn’t true; that everyone knew, not just me, him
and you that it was nigh on impossible to be in the North Pole
at the very same time he was in Kalamazoo, that man dressed
all in red and looking like you know who went -- ho, ho, ho! -- again
and said, “don’t even tell me son, you’re age five plus two, and don’t
even ask me how I knew. It’s just one of the many things -- ho, ho, ho! --
jolly ol’ Saint Nick’s paid to do. But that’s enough about me,”
said that man dressed all in red and looking like you know who.
“How ‘bout telling me a little about you
the one and the only; the kid they call Jimmy Joe John Jacob Jackson Boo?
Let me look at that list,” he said, without skipping a beat.
“I’ll bet you some cookies and milk -- ho, ho, ho! -- that there isn’t a thing on it that jolly ol’ Saint Nick can’t get for you. How ’bout it?” he said. “I’m pretty good at what I do. In fact, I’m the best there is -- ho, ho, ho! -- and you’ll know it Jimmy Joe, before December’s through!”

So that man dressed all in red and looking like you know who,
studied that list of the infamous Jimmy Joe John Jacob Jackson Boo.
“Hmmm,” he said, “number one‘s pretty easy -- that I can do.
Number twoyes indeed -- ho, ho, ho! -- I certainly can get THAT for you! Number’s three, four and five -- no problem Jimmy Joe -- piece of cake! I‘ve got ‘em all -- every last one of ’em and they‘re -- ho, ho, ho! -- brand-spankng new! Number’s six, seven, eight and nine! Easy as pie,
I can do that too!

And then -- that man who was dressed all in
red and looking like you know who got as close to Jimmy Joe as I am to you and said -- “ho,ho, ho! Everyone in Kalamazoo warned me about you, but I told them not to worry, because those elves of mine can whip up most anything in a minute or two; from a Winnie the Pooh to a stuffed kangaroo to even -- ho, ho, ho! -- a Wump-Wump Zoo! They thought you’d surely cause a hullabaloo, Mr. Boo, but I told ’em -- ho, ho, ho! -- that up at the North Pole, we‘re used to working under pressure and that we aim to please -- ho, ho, ho! -- every little boy -- just like you.
But that’s enough about me,” said that man dressed all in red and looking like you know who. It looks to me like we’re just about through, so a -- ho, ho, ho! -- and a very Merry Christmas to you, Mr. Boo. I must say that it was a -- ho, ho, ho! -- barrel of laughs meeting you!” But before that man who was dressed all in red and looking like you know who could say to the next kid in line -- me! -- Jennifer Joe Juliette Boo! -- “come on up here, and I’ll see what I can do,” my little brother, Jimmy Joe John Jacob Jackson Boo pointed at his list and shook his head, nuh uh, no way and told him that he’d missed item number ten, and that he may have thought he was done, but if the truth were known, he was far from through. And that’s when you could of heard -- for a second or two -- a pin drop in that great, big, huge, giant mall in Kalamazoo -- until -- that man who was dressed all in red and looking like you know who got as close to Jimmy Joe as I am to you, and said, “I can handle most requests, Mr. Boo -- ho, ho, ho! -- even a fleet of fire trucks in navy blue, but having Mrs. Claus put an Eden Athletics tattoo on the behind of YOU -- HO, HO, HO! -- is definitely -- a no can do!