I had seven minutes from the time I finished counting Zach's 1000 to the time I raced, and as soon as I put those cards down I could feel the butterflies fill my stomach. I couldn't wait to pull my shirt off and feel the bareness of my shoulders, I just can't tell you how good that feels, water falling off your back.

When I went to get my suit, Ben walked in. Hey. I asked him to count for me, "Zach can take splits if he needs something to do." Ben asked if he could take splits instead, he had just arrived and was still in clothes. That was okay I guess, he did splits at Bowdoin for me, and what I really needed was their attention. Watch me swim, I'll go faster.

The first couple strokes took my breath away, I only had time for 2 x 100 to warm up but my stroke felt good nice and strong pulls and light on the recovery, like I were just throwing my arms over the water gently so I could start the next stroke.

I started fast, too fast, SFQ if you crash and burn the sparks will be pretty, through the first 500 in 6:04 and nailing the turns, three strokes to every breath because the one time I started to breathe every two, I felt off-balance. The turns were good, and I started to dig into the second 500 because that's where you'll go crazy if you think about it: the water has sucked away the energy you started with and you're not close enough to the finish to suck it back. 12:07 at the 1000 which is a second off my best for that distance, I smiled because I had it, forget just breaking 20 this is going to be a decent swim.

It didn't hurt. I don't feel pain in a 1650, I suffer instead. My mind was in the gutter, that's all I could think of, that I wanted to stop at one of those walls and just throw up. And BEN, I wanted to scream at him, what do you want from me? He was standing at the edge of the pool and waving his arms forcefully toward the wall. I picked it up, I think that was what he wanted.

I could feel my feet fluttering, this is what I remember as it started to hurt over the last 250, the burning in my lungs and water just fluttering off my feet. And then Ben was standing over me, just grinning, "19:45.91, NICE," and then he was trying to explain something wrong with my stroke (your right arm is sweeping too far out, that's what's making your head bob a bit) and watched me try and fix it while I warmed down.

Descended it, I am good at that.

1:11.7
2:25.83
3:39.00
4:52.86
6:05.31

7:17.59
8:30.28
9:43.06
10:55.27
12:07.08

13:18.85
14:30.31
(Ben missed this one)
16:52.04
18:02.27

19:12.11 (1600)
19:45.91 (1650)

that I didn't really want to swim

Yeah, just didn't want to be in the water today, too much time at the pool yesterday I think. I spent the day doing homework, watching some of our really fast people, eating the BEST banana bread I have ever had...

I got in to warm up (600 + 4 x 150 on 2:10) at 1ish, we raced at like 2:30. I was dry when I dove in, swam a moderately fast 100 - all we had to do to score relay points was not DQ and since I wasn't motivated to swim, I did it easy, we got the points. Done.

Tomorrow is my second most important race so what I really wanted to do was stay out of the water and be rested, I hope the 500 goes well.

Can you tell I'm tired!

I didn't want to swim this morning. I really didn't, don't ask why. I got mad at Zach for trying to make me care, and when he suggested I go warm up, I grabbed my run shoes and took off. He asked if I were going for a "quick jog" and I snapped back that I don't jog, I RUN. I just left, I didn't even know how long I had before my race but if I missed it, I honestly wouldn't have cared. I felt a combination of panic, anger, upset.

I ran until I cooled off and when I got back to the pool I was honestly surprised that I had six heats until my 500. Damn it, I'm gonna have to get in the water. When I did it felt awful, I swam with complete apathy, lazy turns. He was watching my warmup and when I said "I feel terrible" I got that 'coaching voice,' "you feel good and you'll swim fast." I told him that I honestly didn't care how I swam, because I felt awful and I didn't want to be here anyway.

I went 5:55.28 and you know what? That's the same split as the last 500 of my 1650 and today it felt terrible. I wasn't even turning fast, or looking at the cards, or thinking - I just swam, let the girl next to me go and then reeled her in on the back half. I don't have splits but I guarantee that I negative split that race ridiculously well, because something kicked in at the fifth lap that the faster I swim, the faster I can get out and go shower.

because it's an unscored event, so if you swim it, it's because you want to. And because no one in their right mind would swim something for no points, there were three teams and a lane between each one. And that means that for two minutes and nineteen seconds today, I had quiet space to just SWIM.

Yeah, when I got back in the water again I felt good. It's amazing how that first swim can just shake out all your demons, all the kinks in your shoulders, and I swam my second warm up wishing I had another 1650, give me something I can show off in because now I feel good.

My first breath on the second lap hurt, all of a sudden my lungs burned and I smiled, started swimming that don't-mess-with-me-freestyle. Get back to the wall, someone's waiting to dive in over you, look at the clock and oh yeah, finally under 2:20 for a 200. It doesn't count because it's a relay split but wait until tomorrow.

The 100 free was between the 500 and the relay. I didn't warm up (I still had the Do Not Care attitude) and went 1:10.12. Do you know what? I still don't care. We laughed about it afterward, Mike Ross smiled and said, "can we talk about your 100 free for a minute?" and I smiled back and said sure. He wanted to know how I can hold 1:11s for a 1650 but only go 1:10 in the 100.

I told him I'm a distance swimmer.

There were five girls in my heat with all the same seed time, 2:20.00 and when I finished warmup I got out, lets go race, knew somehow that if we all had the same seed time the race was MINE because I wanted it, wanted to swim like Mike Ross and just steal every race I did. My stroke felt good now, the cobwebs gone after that morning warmup, and I breathed deeply and got up on the blocks.

Dolphin-kicked off the dive and tweaked something in my neck but I didn't have time to think about it, the first wall was there and I can still feel my powerful tuck into it, dolphin kick off it. The other girls are ahead of me but it's only the first length and I will get them, catch their black Fastskin-ed legs. Dig into it
and now I'm turning ahead of people, the little tenths of a second you gain, coming off the last wall I rocket into the touchpad, just pulling pulling pulling with that pretty distance stroke.

Mike Ross smiles after that both splits were faster than my 100 yesterday, out in a 1:07 and back in a 1:09 which is an even split taking into consideration the dive, and I'm just excited because a 2:16 is kind of a nice time for an Alyie-fish. This morning, I am still smiling at how that race felt.

From apathy to ecstasy. I coach swimming and used to swim masters. Nice recap. It kept me reading through the whole experience.

Always love a best time!